An Empty Feeling
by berniegirl13
Summary: Written for Lady Pheonix Fire Rose's The Charachter One Hour COmpetition, although i completed it in one hour and ten minutes, i still like it! The chaachter was Regulus Black, and the prompt was lonely. Regulus feels empty inside, and wants a way out.


I walk into my house at 10:30 at night. I had just spent two hours wandering around the streets of London, wondering if there is anything or anyone good in my life. My girlfriend just broke up with me because she realized that I was a death eater, my parents were dead, and my brother ran away years ago. Everyone else in my life is a death eater, or just as evil. How did I get into this mess? Oh right, when I was in Hogwarts all my friends and role models were death eaters. I'm evil so I can fit in. I groan, and Kreacher comes forward.

"Is young Master feeling alright, should Kreacher fetch some dinner for him?" Kreacher's bullfrog voice echoes through the house.

"No than you Kreacher," I say, smiling at his concern. "And for the time being, please call me Regulus."

"Of course Master Regulus," Kreacher says, and walks out of the room. I sit down in an overstuffed armchair that Sirius hated and my mother loved. I think about Sirius often. I wonder how he is. Everyone in Hogwarts knew where he went, but for some reason I never told mother. I guess I just wanted him to be happy. But now I regret it. In this house, this huge, dark house I felt empty inside, hollow even. I need a way out. A way out from this dark house, a way out from the Dark Lord. I reach into my pocket. The locket. The golden chain, the odd design. I don't want to do this for the Dark Lord. But if I don't, I will be tortured, brutally murdered. But if I do, perhaps it will allow more people to be murdered. I need a plan. If I kill myself, to get out of everything, someone else will do the job. I need a fool proof plan, to get out of my lonely empty life. But first, I am going to write to Sirius. As the only living person from my immediate family, he certainly has a right to know.

_Dear Sirius,_

_ I want you to know that I'm not going to be around anymore. I have decided that a Death Eater life is not right for me or anyone really. I am going to die, but at the same time foil Voldemort's plan. And Sirius, forgive me for never sticking up for you. I regret it now. I wish…I wish that you were here now, instead of at Potter's place. I wish that my only company wasn't Kreacher. _

_Goodbye,_

_Regulus. _

I gave it to my owl, and watched as it flew off into the night sky. I wished that I didn't have to write to him, but I had no say in what my brother did. My brother, who was the first person to give me advice when I needed it. The person who cheered me up when I was rejected. Who agreed when I was annoyed at my parents. But he chose Potter over me. James Potter. The creep who was arrogant, annoying and an air head. Who Sirius chose over me. I walked into the kitchen. I couldn't live with this feeling any more. This pit of loneliness. This feeling of being unwanted. It wasn't worth it anymore. I couldn't do it. I needed a way out. I needed to leave this feeling. _No, _I thought to myself. _I would do this mission for Voldemort and fail. Then I will face the consequences. _I looked around the kitchen. Kreacher was nowhere to be seen. That was good, because I wanted to have all my concentration on one thing. Fighting back. First I made a replica if the locket. I was sure that the other one was a Horcrux, but Voldemort wouldn't tell me anything. He said that I could use my house elf for the mission. So I called Kreacher. He came as quickly as possible.

"Yes Master Regulus," Kreacher say with a low voice.

"The Dark Lord requires your assistance," I say, hoping that Kreacher doesn't realize that I am nervous. It's obvious I'm sure, anyone would be petrified about trying to hurt the Dark Lord. Kreacher brightens, so obviously happy to have such an important job to help me, and Voldemort. "Soon we will take a trip. You will have to drink a potion. You cannot tell ANYONE about this. Am I clear?"

"Yes Master Regulus. Kreacher will strive to do his best." Kreacher looks happily at me and I nod.

"Good," I say, feeling surer about myself. "We will wait a while, but then we will go, I am expecting a letter." Kreacher nods, then backs out of the room. I go back to the armchair and wait for the letter. None come. It is now midnight, and no word back from my brother. It is as if he doesn't care, doesn't wish for my safety, and doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive. It makes me angry. So angry that I feel surer about doing this, and more empty inside. Even the family that's alive doesn't care about me. I am sure if mother was here she would have urged me not to go, even if it meant helping the Dark Lord's defeat. She was very pro Voldemort. She was very pleased when I told her I had become a death Eater. But now she was gone, and Sirius was gone to, in a different way of course. I get up and call Kreacher.

"It's time," I say to Kreacher. I feel both of the lockets in my pocket and know that there is no going back, and nothing to go back to. I leave Grimmauld place, and hope I never return.

Kreacher came back to Grimmauld Place early the next morning. He was tired, and unthinkably sad because of his Master's death. An owl was perched at the windowsill holding a letter that said _Reggie Black. _ Kreacher tore it apart, not wanting any reminders of his Master's death. The letter was as followed.

_Dear Reg,_

_ Don't do it! You're my last family left, and I am quite pleased that you are not happy with being a Death Eater, but you can't! You were my best friend for a while there, d when I ran away, I guess we lost that. But Reggie, you can't die. And if you still need to do this, I wish you the best of luck, and my apologies for being a terrible brother._

_Good Luck,_

_Sirius._

On the letter there were water stains, in light drops, as if someone had cried over it. Regulus never knew that his brother missed him. And he never would know, because he didn't wait another moment, his loneliness over coming him, turning into grief, to anger, and to slight insanity. Sirius did care about him, as Regulus did Sirius, and neither would know the truth.


End file.
